Ooops I'm Pregnant and (was) Freaking Out! What Do I Do?!!

*Some adult language

So the news is out, A Lucky Ladybug is expecting the unexpected this Fall.  It's been an exciting and very scary couple months for myself and my family which I want to share with each of you.  Pregnancy can mean so many things and it is different for everyone.  Normally I'd keep a lot of this to myself but being a Blogger this time around, I know I am not alone in my nervousness and excitement.  I took a few minutes to explain this past weekend my pregnancy and family history.  But now I want to share the shock and utter fear we/I have been dealing with since discovering the news.

My husband and I were not trying for another and in fact were finally making plans for a life without diapers, bottles, and late nights (not by choice).  Being that having another child was not even a thought in the back of our minds, we had begun remodeling our new home for more of a grown up kids and adult atmosphere.  We've got a bar area for the adults, dart board and pool table, and a complete gaming set up for the kids (and well Kevin).  No more baby gates, hiding baby dangers, and toddler toys.

Then everything changed...



Since late November, I had been in and out of the doctor's office trying to figure out the several issues I had been experiencing.  There were a variety of changes I had been experiencing from weight gain, hot flashes, night sweats, and frequent illness.  With my severe Endometriosis, ovarian cysts, family history of early menopause, and previous hormonal imbalances, we figured it was something off with my reproductive system.  My doctor and I had been working to adjust my hormone levels in hopes of it changing the symptoms I'd been experiencing.

So in and out I've been at the office, changing birth controls every other month, and (yes) pregnancy tests at each visit just to be sure.  But guess what, the pee pregnancy tests at the doctor aren't much more accurate than the ones you take at home!  When my teenage daughter started cracking jokes about how funny it would be if I was pregnant since some of my symptoms were pretty tell tale signs, I started paying a bit more attention.

After (sign #1 always) passing out easily several days in a row at random times of the day and feeling like I could sleep for weeks; (sign #2) noticing my breasts hurt like hell; (not a normal sign for me #3) throwing up consistently for days; and (obvious sign 4) no period 2 months in a row due to my "new birth controls", I decided to test on my own at home.

Sure as shit, 3 tests in a row the positive line came up first and darkest.  The results were immediate and so was my shock.  I was instantly in tears and fearful for how this would affect each member of my family.  SHIT, what did we do and how did this happen?!  While I obviously knew how it happened, I also never thought it was a concern and was genuinely scared.  How would my husband react?  He's never been one desiring a big family.  What would the kids think?  I have a daughter GRADUATING F$%#ing High School this year!  How would we afford this?  We struggle a LOT!  Should I consider other options? What the HELL do I do?

I was also instantly concerned for my childhood best friend who had been desperately trying to conceive for FIVE years herself.  Growing up together she's more than just a friend at this point and instead a sister.  We've often discussed surrogacy but because of the Michigan surrogacy laws, it's been a distant thought.  So maybe this "ooops" is fates way of helping her, I just didn't know.

I called the doctors office right away.  They also thought this could be a case of the False Positive home tests but being that 3 came up the same, it was unlikely and I had to come in right away for a blood test.  Fingers crossed for the next 24 hours I hoped it was a result of the hormones they were adjusting which they thought could be a possibility.  But then the blood test confirmed that not only was I definitely pregnant, I was "VERY pregnant" according to the nurse.

There isn't a cuss word that hadn't come out of my mouth or a random thought that hadn't floated through this head.  I cried more than I think physically possible.  But essentially, my husband and I knew this was a sign.

• Hormones have been known to rub off on and affect others, so maybe this could be that extra push my best friends body needs
• The woman's body is a mysterious place and with all the illness's I had been dealing with (several I've not discussed), maybe this is a way of healing my body.
• It's our 10th year being married, there is a (no so) funny surprise gift for the both of us, LOL!!
• We send off one child to college so why the hell not gain another?!
• Kevin and I have had a life full of surprises not usually the best ones and definitely never at the right time.  So why not add just one more big one during one of the busiest and least planned time in our life.
• Life is a test and full of surprises. Fate, Mother Earth, God, a higher power of some sort has bigger plans for the two of us and our family.

So what the hell, here we go!  Bring on those late nights filled with newborn tears, bottles and miserable breast feeding nipples, dirty diapers and getting peed on, baby proofing and baby stuff all over the house, again!  As if this post wasn't enough honesty for you, get ready for more because this Ladybug is PREGNANT!

*Read my Disclosure